How do you not get roped into a film like this? I mean come on, Hercules against the might of Rome! That's the most amazing thing I've ever heard.
Funny thing is you make a cheap Italian film based on world war with that acting and bad dubbing and I have little to no interest in it. But take those exact same people, same dubbing put it into a Roman Epic film and it becomes the greatest thing that ever existed.
We start in a field with a Shepherd tending to his flock and his granddaughter following in pursuit. (Or could be his daughter, it looks more like his daughter but I think she refers to him as a grandfather so what are you going to do.) He tells her to go pick up the straggler which is this little tiny goat in the back. There's this random guy there holding the goat and trying to get the attention of the sheepherders daughter.
He knows it's hard to win the girls favour because she still in love with the blacksmith. And it first you're thinking ''maybe this blacksmith isn't all that good of a guy he doesn't even seem to acknowledge her all that much'' only until you discover that the blacksmith is freaking Hercules! Then you wonder why this guy is trying to impress her at all. There's nothing on Earth he'll be able to do that's going to out shine Hercules. He's the son of Zeus and former Sun God himself.
We got over to a market what are a bunch of manner exchanging gold and goods and trying to sell a horse. The whole thing gets attacked by Bandits who's led by this one balding guy He looks like a downgrade version of Wallace Shawn from The Princess Bride.
And it's up to Hercules to stop these men from looting the townspeople of their gold.
The townsfolk then sit around and discuss the origins of this Hercules. This man is not thee Hercules himself but a kind of reincarnation that comes about in the village every 100 years with the strength, Honor and respect of a God himself. We didn't see a merchant having a conversation with Hercules he tells him the trouble is brewing in Ravenna.
It seems one of the high Pretorians of the Roman Imperial Army wants to kill the emperor and take power for himself he also wants his son to marry the daughter of said Emperor and these events are not wanted by many of the people of Rome for a coup d'etat military strength would do little to benefit Rome and the daughter of the Emperor has no love for the son of this Praetorian. He's a kind of dorky, weaselly looking man. Luckily for all of them Hercule arrive in the city to find a Tavern he's informed to ask any of the local drunkards for it's almost guarantee that they know what this tavern should be.
Now the film goes into high gear the Praetorians March into the Emperor's Palace and kill him, they plan to take his daughter as a reward. wean from out of the shadows who should pop up but Hercules. He fights the Praetorians and pushes them back saving the emperor's daughter ''Ulpia'' and escaping through a secret entrance out of the Palace. The Praetorians led by ''Filippo Afro'' announced that it was Hercules (a barbarian man) who killed the Emperor and that the daughter is dead too.
But many people are suspicious of this story and much of the Senate wants to find Ulpia so that you may appoint the new Caesar to the throne. Let's ignore that's not the way the Roman Empire worked at all in real life. But then Hercules is running around so realism is out the door.
Hercules along with Ulpia and the man who ran the tavern travel back to his local village where he sets about being a blacksmith yet again. But Ulpia is unhappy she doesn't remember the events of her father's death, doesn't remember much of her own life as far as she's concerned she's just some random woman living in the Hills, but she seems depressed and doesn't know why.
There's a subplot revolving around one man who is to brought back to Roman society with Ulpia so that he may be elected the next emperor. But he flees Into the Woods wanting to evade Afro and his Praetorian swords. He ends up fighting the bald man Bandit from earlier and is seriously wounded. He's nursed back to health by the help of Ulpia who helps to reestablish a bit of her memory. He then leaves again promising to return and to make things right. Then we have the bald man Bandit who wants to make use of this woman and goes to the Romans with a price for her location.
The Romans find and capture her. Hercules now must go out again to try and save her, but in doing so is captured himself. Now Roman general Lucio Trajano Decio leads his own resistant Army to fight the established Roman forces and reestablish the former throne of the Roman Empire.
Now with Ulpia captured the Tyrant Afros demands her to marry his son so that his claim to the throne is legitimate. At first she is hesitant and gives in only when he promises to spare the life of Hercules. Of course his promise will not be fulfilled, Hercules will die . Now it is up to Hercules to escape and stop this woman for making the greatest mistake of her life.
I'm with some effort and determination the mighty Hercules is able to break his own chains bust out of the prison and straight into the winning Hall range won the local priest is proclaiming:
''May your union be bl in the greatest light of all Rome''. And as he says these words his eyes grow wide as he loudly shouts. Hercules!
Hercules smashes his way in defeats the Praetorians and rescues Ulpia. Before running out of the Capitol yet again. Then we come to the ultimate climax of the movie Afro's forces are assembling, General Lucio forces are assembling, the two will meet in a mighty Clash,
And they certainly don't disappoint. Hercules destroys a catapult, Afros and Lucio fight each other fiercely on the battlefield. Lucio wins the day reconnects with his soon-to-be wife and the Empire is saved. All thanks to the help of Hercules!
This is a really fun movie. Most sword-and-sandal flicks have a lot of filler in between small parts that don't particularly interesting anybody but this movie keeps itself fun the whole time .
This film does have one glaring flaw and it's unfortunately the fault of the dubbers. every hear and there the audio cuts out, obviously a spot with the English was supposed to be imported but sometimes they forget to go back to original footage and you're left with no sound.
And sometimes you'll find Snip-Its a film that haven't had any translation at all. It's still in its traditional Italian and that's unintelligible to me. Honestly I would have preferred this film just been done with English subtitles let the Italian speech be.
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