What happens to Bela Lugosi when he goes to London in an attempt to create a Dracula fiend play?
Well he ends up in a bit of financial trouble and ends up acting and some crummy vampire \ Frankenstein film... He's not even a vampire!
From what I understand, If you don't put a vampire in your movie it's considered acceptable for all General audiences. And seeing as how the movies actually revolving around a man pretending to be a woman and said comedy skit is more acceptable to Children than it is adults they decided to make it as G-rated as humanly possible. Which makes me laugh a little bit, Not only was there a time when putting a vampire in your movie was considered the equal of swearing, but a man acting is a transvestite and dressing up as an old lady was considered the most hilarious thing to these kids. Maybe that's still a thing, I think that Robin Williams fellow dressed up as a woman in one of those movies. I've never seen the entertainment value in it, but I'm sure somebody out there does.
So the story goes that is strange German man* is just moved into England. During these months 15 women mysteriously disappeared, much to the chagrin of Scotland Yard, who are attempting to link the disappearance of these women to the arrival of this particularly odd gentlemen. But the head of Scotland yard's thinks it's pure coincidence. He doesn't conceive that a man could kidnap so many women so easily and that others would follow him in a crazy fit of cult worship revolving around the persona of a vampire.
But all the same an investigation must be done. We eventually cut over to Bela Lugosi who is revealing to his servant his Grand plans for world domination. He has utilised the power of modern science to build and design an army of indestructible robots that can annihilate the armies of the world.
His servants then asks him; ''How many robots have you created?'' To which Lugosi reluctantly say ''one''
It's incredibly difficult to build the robots, for their construction requires a vast quantity of uranium. A substance Out Of Reach to our most fiendish vampire. But luckily one of the women he's kidnapped happens to be the daughter to a very influential Italian Diplomat with vast tides to uranium deposits.
Now does that story you just heard sound in any way interesting?
Well you can just throw that all out the window! We have to focus most of our efforts on an uninteresting man dressed up as an old woman, yelling at a tax collector because she has the audacity not to pay her rent which is 8 weeks due.
And a crappy subplot where in Bela Lugosi's robot accidentally gets shipped to her address due to the negligence of the British royal post office.
Which will lead to a cross-dressing woman and Lugosi Crossing paths as the robot returns home via radio communication**.
Now this old man in drag (Mrs. Riley) is the prisoner with Lugosi who forces her to eat vast quantities of steak and liver as payment for light house-cleaning. I guess he's become captivated with Mrs. Riley.
Now at some point Mrs. Riley discover Bela Lugosi's true intentions when she comes upon the mummified bodies of all the kidnapped women. She jumps out of a window and heads over to a police station. And she's about to inform the police of her Discovery went out of the blue she covered in 2 pints worth of liquor and we the audience have to endure one of the most overused cliches and cinematic history. And yes in 1952 this was long overdue as a cliche.
It was at this point that I stopped caring about this film. I consider myself lenient and willing to give everything a try, but at some point you just have to put your foot down and say, No! I will not be taken for a ride by an unfunny film. I don't care if it has Bela Lugosi in it. He's not in it enough to make the difference and he's not playing anything that I care about. He's only here because he needed money to get back home. So let this film run off to the side, Let it fade away into the backdrop of time and be forgotten by all. Rather any of those other Mrs.Riley movies are any good I don't know. This was the very last movie this person would ever be in, kind of a shame that they end on such a low note but this implies they ever had a high note to begin with.
What bothers me most is there's a decent movie buried in here. You have Bela Lugosi playing his Frankenstein-vampire, you have one of the women he kidnapped alongside of British Admiral who tried to save her.
The two of them are incarcerated and held together. They should be the real stars of the show. Breaking out of the vampires hold and trying to take him down before he has an opportunity to release his deadly robot. They could even acquire assistance from the housekeeper in the policeman. Two people who are already suspicious of Bela Lugosi's activities. But unfortunately they have to fight for screen time with this man in drag who's not that funny.
*Well I say German though the place he was actually born in was Bonsnik. A fictional Realm that's comprised of German, Hungarian, Croatian, Transylvanian peoples. Or at least that's what I see.
**It's during this point as the robot is returning home that we come across the most interesting character in the entire film. This very drunk Edwardian ''P.G. Wodehouse'' character who sees the robot as a passerby who needs a ride. The robot gives him instruction and he drives off to Lugosi's house. We eventually find him later at the police station complaining that someone had stolen his car. He's the man that got Mrs. Riley covered in liquor to begin with.
And from the moment I saw him the only thought that popped into my head was; ''Why couldn't the majority of the film be focused around this man?'' I'd love to see an Edwardian drunkard living his life, reacting with all his socialite friends and then out of nowhere coming across a robot who needs directions to someone else's manner. I think you could make an incredibly enjoyable story out of this. A real {tranche de vie} With high-Jinks of a silly robot to boot. Honestly it's a story I've never come across before, Social debutante British High Society meets 1950s B-movie robot.
But alas it was never meant to be.
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