What we get is a fairly uninteresting film in which a dorky man who studies earthworms is brought into New York to try and understand the biology of Godzilla. But he can't really do it because he's not actually that good at his job. His ex-girlfriend will steal information from him and send it to the press and then try to hook up with him later with no consequence.
And I don't even understand why the Army brought him in. Half of his advice is useless and serves no purpose whatsoever, and when he does offer decent advice the Army just ignores him and shoots at Godzilla regardless.
I think this film's biggest problem is they didn't really know what to do with it. They weren't sure if they wanted to make a fun action film in where a giant monster destroys the city.
Or make a weird comedy with a romance and a bunch of secondary characters who all try to work together to deal with a disaster.
They just should had made a disaster film, it seems like it would have been easier just to have the ocean flood New York City and have a bunch of people try to survive it. Later on the same director will do that exact movie, and it's not great but it's a heck of a lot better than this.
The computer-generated monster is pretty bad. I was debating if it was just some par, because part of my mind remember the dinosaur* looking okay at some scenes. And I think there's one part at night when it's raining that they do okay. But then this is just them ripping off the T-Rex from the Jurassic Park film. And when you compare the two you can see a noticeable difference. There's this awful scene during the day where one of The Simpsons actors is chasing the dinosaur with a camera. And he's trying to record the thing and it's just about to step on him and the way the CG is implemented over the actual footage is done so poorly. This might have been unforgivable thing if it was several thousand dollar film. But this is a giant Hollywood Blockbuster. They could have done a heck of a lot better, just trying to smooth out the edges so the dinosaur at least mingles with its environment better
And then there are The Simpsons actors. A little while ago I was listening to a podcast where one of the writers was referring to the Simpsons voice actors as just actors. His reasoning was that they were so good at their craft and so professional at what they could do that they transcended
we are voice acting and became solid actors. Because they had so much Charisma to their performance. And I'd love to believe him, but then you see these people in a real movie where they have to react to things on camera as themselves. They're absolutely horrible at it. They don't know how to show emotion towards a camera and their voice acting was always over-the-top. So I'm sorry but they really are ''voice actors'' that's what they're good at they can't act on screen. And before anybody thinks I'm defecating on voice acting as some lesser form of performance
well I'm really not. Voice actors are very good at their particular Talent. The ability to convey emotion, Charisma and character with nothing but your voice not knowing what it's fully going to be used for is a talent all its own. And I've seen an awful lot of ''actors'' who go out to do voice acting and end up doing a horrible job. Sometimes you get lucky and you'll end up with a Toy Story scenario where the main leads are acted pretty well. But sometimes you'll end up like Lewis Black from ''Inside Out'' and where he's unable to do anything that isn't his own voice and it takes you out of the movie every time you see it.
and here's the real problem with this Godzilla movie. It's an interesting and kind of boring.
Half of what I talked about above this sentence had nothing to do with the film itself but with people's performances in it. And you don't feel as if you have a connection to anybody while watching this. The monster is unknown and uninteresting and the characters are all one-dimensional. You have no investment in anything that's going on. Which does make it kind of Ideal as a background film. You stick this thing on when there's a party and people will kind of look at it maybe joke about it, but never really spend any time contemplating it.
What the hell is with that French crap? You bring Jean Reno into your film, Frances most popular international star and he has nothing to do. He has really horrible lines and he even does this horrible Elvis impersonation at one point. There was a setup here for something, maybe not anything great but he could have been the one part of this film where I said; ''Oh look a breath of fresh air, a good actor''.
And then there's that whole thing with Siskel and Ebert. He has a parody of the two in his film as some sort of mockery. But here's the thing. If you're going to mock film critics in your movie maybe you should try to make a better film. You know, show them off and say; ''Hey I can make something good, I can make something you might even enjoy that maybe you can show me a little respect.'' But they don't go for that it's just a childish temper tantrum.
There's a part of me that wants to give this movie a chance and say ''Yeah you can give it a go. It's bad but it's not unwatchable'' The only problem with that is this is a Godzilla film. There are so many other contenders out there for just dumb fun. At this point we have better American-made Godzilla's.
*I might as well just keep saying dinosaur that's what they wanted to make.
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