I'm not entirely sure 'Spite Marriage' knows what it wants to be. We spend the first 40 minutes lingering on this play that this one lady (played by Dorothy Sebastian) happens to star in.
Our main character (played by Buster Keaton) is absolutely crazy for this girl. He's attended her play over 30 times and it's become such a nuisance that he tells other Patriots of plot points (in the play) before it happens. He even go so far as to weasel his way into the play so he can play a particular character who gets the kiss the young girl at the end of the scene. And because this man is a natural klutz, everything he he dose utterly destroys the set. Luckily for him he's able to escape and resume his normal identity before anyone finds out.
At the same time that all of this is happening the girl that Buster idolises so dearly looks upon him realises his enchantment for her and asks him to marry her immediately. He's flabbergasted and kind of excited about the whole thing. She's only marrying him to spite this other guy who was marrying some blond woman that she's jealous of.
All of this becomes incredibly apparent when the two newlyweds are sitting at a restaurant across from the other couple that she was jealous of in the first place.
She's so upset by this that she ends up drinking nearly an entire bottle of champagne on her own in a mere 40 seconds.
The alcohol goes straight to her head and she makes a complete ass of herself in front of the entire establishment. She finds out later from her manager that if anybody figures out that her marriage is that her entire career will be ruined.
So she dumps her husband and tells him to get lost. And our main character is so distraught that he punches out this other guy who informs him of his sham of a marriage. With the police now on his tail he jumps into a cab only to discover that it was currently being occupied by an even bigger criminal who tells Buster Keaton's character to drive it into a pier during their escape.
He's then rescued from the Water by the criminal and his local gang. They have a small boats that they've taken to the middle of the ocean to avoid the police. Now Buster Keaton is running around on a ship trying to make heads of his new life.
Eventually he gets forced off of the ship via his own clumsiness and ends up on a private yacht that comes upon him in the water.
He tries to work on this yacht and ends up in a similar situation where he almost burned down the entire boat due to his lousy peripheral vision. He then discovers after everyone else has abandoned ship that the only person left on the boat was his former wife to be.
The two of them on rediscovering one another do their best to manage a yacht with minimal knowledge. But the boat full of criminals returns, captures the yacht and makes Buster Keaton's character part of their crew yet again.
They don't know about his wife as she's hiding in one of the bedrooms down below. Eventually the new captain (who was the former criminal in the taxi) discovers his wife and tries to put the moves on her. Now Buster Keaton has to knock him out along with everyone else on the boat to save his wife from god-knows-what.
Eventually the 2 make it back to shore having bonded over their most ridiculous Adventure.
It's a big setup movie. It's full of massive over-the-top slapstick scenes. And I think the film would have done better if it had tried to stick with one of these scenes as opposed to 3. The first one involves a stage act in where Buster Keaton has to try and maintain his play identity all while accidentally destroying the stage that he's on.
The second scene involves him and his drunk wife at home as he tries to get her onto a bed and in a comfortable position so she can sleep off the alcohol.
The third scene involves this ridiculous over-the-top fight between Buster Keaton and the main criminal. There's lots of throwing, knives and Bottles being smashed over people's heads. A lot of really physical looking activity with actors that you know how to do it themselves.
One of these scenes should have been the main focal point of the movie and the other one should have either been limited or flat-out removed because the film gets a little stagnant having to try and deal with an overabundance of slapstick.
It's an okay comedic little movie. It's a solid slapstick film, something that feels like it should have the free Stooges running around in it. I had personally hoped for more of a comedic romance with dashes of drama but alas what are you going to do.
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