Oh how long it's been since I've spoken of Mighty Hercules.
Coming back to a Hercules movie is like going to a crappy restaurant you haven't been to in several years.
You order that same horrible play of poutine which you know is overly cheesy and uses a low-grade gravy.
But you love it all the same.
You take a bite out of it and sure enough there's that bite of sodium and the taste of that off brand cornstarch gravy. And at everything you remember.
Well that's what this Hercules film is.
It's just as campy and ridiculous as all the other Hercules movies. This one is incredibly formulaic with its structure.
Hercules is coming off the heels of another great adventure, he's now married to some random woman and has to head out to Thebes to stop some sort of internal war going on between two warring Brothers.
But halfway through the film Hercules very stupidly drinks from this mystical fountain that makes him forget all of his previous Memories thus setting him to default and making him a big dumb idiot who's easily wooed by the seductive woman who wants to permanently freeze him in some sort of makeshift Egyptian mummification that keeps your body perfectly preserved as it looks today.
And oh boy do they spend an awful lot of time of Hercules sitting around in this weird Egyptian \ Greek building; eating grapes and being a general ass.
All while having sex with this mysterious woman and then never wreaking the consequences of his actions with his wife later on. Because he didn't know. And even when he does know he doesn't bring it up or try to apologise for it I guess everyone is just assuming that Hercules is going to run around and be promiscuous with a bunch of random women. Possibly some random men to0. Everyone skirt is short in this film.
What's strange about this Hercules film is that it forgets about its own main storyline about 20 minutes in.
Hypnotised Hercules has little to nothing to do with the rest of the greater plot. And the two warring Brothers will end up killing themselves off later on in a duel to the death. And the only reason Athenian tribes even stop attacking each others because Hercules gets involved into the mix and completely one side's the conflict. And we're not entirely sure what happened at the end of that either. He hooks up with his wife again but everybody else just kind of goes about their business and now the ruled by new ruler.
Overall it's an okay Hercules film. It's got all the camping moments you would expect of Hercules but it doesn't do anything so ridiculous as to give it a unique flare or make it stick out from all the other Hercules flicks. The one I watched before this was Hercules versus the Mongols and it was riddled with problems too but it went about it story in such a fun and interesting way but it ended up winning me over and making me forget about all those shortcomings.
Biggest problem with this Hercules movie is that it's most entertaining scene happen the near the very beginning. Hercules is taking his wife and there's one other guy on his adventure and they come across this big giant of a man(Antaeus played by Primo Carnera) who wants to take gold from their Caravan for crossing ''his'' land.
And Hercules has to fight him. But every time Hercules knocks the Antaeus over he gets back up ready to enter the fray once again. Supposedly he has some sort of connection with the Earth goddess (I think that's Gaia if I'm not mistaken)
So Hercules has to find a more clever way to keep him down. Everything after that is just so minor for Hercules to deal with. The only other time we could close to any tension is when Hercules is helping a group of his associates escape from The Fortress where he was being held by that mysterious woman.
And that's only because they invited one elderly man who wasn't able to jump down the Cliffside so Hercules have to keep this spiky gate open while everybody else assist the man down. I sound like I'm being more negative on the film that I really am. Hercules Unchained is without a doubt a very fun.
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