My God, it has been a long and mainly stupid ride. The alien franchise has gone through many films and many adaptations and It ultimately brought us here
A film composed of absolute dum-dums.
Sweet proverbial Christ people here are just so stupid. You're on a colony vessel on your way to an already discovered already accepted planet.
You know, the planet you already have technical knowledge of the one you understand that's most likely sanctioned and I'm spoiled by disease and other problems. Probably not covered in spores that turn you into me mutilated zombie people who dance spout disgusting little slime monsters out of their bodies. Slime monsters that then go on to murder and brutalise everyone around you.
And then there's the quarantine procedures (or the lack thereof.) People go on the planet, people get sick from the planet and their stupid Captain back on the main ship housing thousands of people and an unknown amount of embryos debates ''do we need to do a quarantine procedure?'' Well what the hell do you think.
Captain Tennessee the dumbest character in all of the alien franchise. And yes I'm well aware of that nut-so scientist from Alien Resurrection who has a kind of sexual lust for the Queen alien.
I don't think that guy would endanger his entire ship full his life's work, friends and family just to try and get down to a atmospheric levels so we can hear his wife talk.
Because that guy wouldn't have a wife because he's a complete nut.
This guy is worse than any of them. He's in the position of absolute Authority and he's a complete and utter reactionary idiot.
They go on about this other guy being questionable because he has ''Faith'' which I can only describe as some sort of religious idea.
But it doesn't go anywhere with that statement and he's perfectly reasonable throughout a decent chunk of the film. He's a wet blanket, he's kind of doll and he's the one that has the stupid decision to head off to the planet but compared to Tennessee he's an intellectual.
I'd be concerned that if Tennessee's Ice Cream Sandwich melted he probably piled the entire ship into the sun out of a blinding Fury of rage and frustration.
And just like Prometheus there's a whole whack of this movie I really like but it's brought down by very idiotic decisions on our protagonists point. They just don't think anything through and they act so ridiculous and so stupid that you have me rooting for David the entire time.
He's supposed to be the main antagonist who you're on the edge of your seat thinking ''oh God I hope he doesn't get away with his nefarious plan.''
But I want him to win.
In this universe humans are a bunch of useless idiots and they treat him and all other Androids like crap. So as far as I'm concerned; David's within his right to not give a damn about any of them.
And that's if you're looking at this movie on its own.
Start to look at it in the greater continuity of the alien franchise which this movie wants you to do and you'll realise that I only is David the only character worth rooting for. Humanity is composed of a bunch of suicidal depressed Fools.
I mean you have this scene where the captain on the ground. The guy who supposed to be blinded by 'faith' is aiming a gun Point Blank at David's face. Right after shooting this monster that David was trying to communicate with.
Now you think this guy is going to shoot David because it's very clear that he doesn't care about the people here. He's only interested in these monstrosity sludge creatures*.
And David decides to show him exactly what it is he's doing. And the whole time I think you're supposed to be rooting for this random guy to survive the encounter. Especially when you see the famous eggs at the end of the scene where you know the facehuggers coming out to kill the guy.
But I'm sitting there with a smile on my face thinking; ''Yes! Grab that guy's face. Impregnate him with one of the aliens. Make David's dream come true. Give birth to a tiny xenomorph monster and let David rule the universe casting evolutionary Superior beings throughout all of mankind and create some sort of wicked and disgusting Utopian society based on a slimy alien creature; who's 2 prequel films (to this day) still haven't answered any of the questions that were originally brought up in the original freaking Alien movie!''Good job you wasted everyone's time.
I had a bunch of other thoughts in the middle of my head while watching the film.
A lot of them were quite positive too.
I like the pacing of this film it moves really quickly. It's beautifully put together from an aesthetic point of view and overall there's just a lot of intrigue here.
Give me a movie between the two different cyborg robots, Leave Out All the human characters, I don't even need a monster.
I just want to film about philosophical discussions between two beings that comprehend Humanity but (supposedly) don't truly understand it.
And if we're being honest they're a lot more human than any other character in the film.
Everyone else is just shallow dumb and kind of annoying. Going back again if we're looking at this from a slasher film perspective I'm rooting always for the monster because the characters just aren't worthy of giving a damn.
Essentially I think it's a bad film. A bad film with lots of artistic Merit. Some solid acting at points and a real sense of accomplishment if only it was handled by slightly better people.
And I'm sorry but if I'm going to watch a weird film like this that's technically not all that great but interesting at the same time. I'm going to watch a Dune.
We already have a good alien movie It's called 'Alien' it's from 1979 and it's the only one of these films that ever really worked.
Every single film since then has been some form of reboot and there never as good.
Can we stop making alien movies.
Cuz I'm sick of them now. Part of that is my fault. Watching all these films from beginning to end in the series of a week and a half.
But it just becomes all the more noticeable that nobody has a clue what to do with these darn things. Maybe let bygones be bygones and just make your own unique film.
God knows there's enough creative ideas out there to do it.
...
Or just give me another film based on David. Have him conquered the entire Earth, go all out nuts with the entire concept and wipe Humanity out before the alien franchise can even begin.
* The sponge monsters were more intimidating and more unsettling than the Xenomorph. Part of that is just due to cultural osmosis as we know exactly what a Xenomorph is going to do.
The fleshy pink creatures on the other hand are unknown to us. And they seem to be able to manipulate themselves to just eat people in any way they see fit. They're faster they're scarier the Rover on a big concern. I would have just left the xenomorph out of the film and just had these horrible creatures instead.
(However they do kind of remind me of those weird worm monsters from Stephen King's dreamcatcher. So maybe it's best we didn't focus on the master all.)
Also seen a fully-formed Alian running around in the broad daylight is weird.
They're supposed to be obstructed by shadow and only seen from the corner of your eye. A kind of lurking shadow creature that creeps up on you, unbenounced to then deliver a killing blow upon its unsuspecting prey.
Oh and just as one final tin-bit. What the heck happened to the original alien from the end of Prometheus? It shows the thing popping up is a kind of Proto alien but then we never see it again.
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